Death of a relative

My grandmother died err... i mean expired yesterday. (Initially I used "died" to inform others but soon i realised i had to use the right word :P). I was there with my mom 20 minutes after we were informed that something had gone wrong. But by the time we reached she had expired and she was laid on the floor.

So what am I supposed to do. Will my mom shed tears now? Or will she faint. I was taken aback seeing the servant maids cry loudly. I felt like laughing seeing them. But then the situation calls for seriousness.

So I found a corner and sat there. I saw people coming one by one and crying. Everyone except the close relatives were in tears. :P Close relatives were busy informing others and planning the time to conduct the funeral.

For me it was simple. She was old and she died a peaceful death. She was a nice lady who helped everyone. At that instant, I felt like congratulating those seated but did not have the courage, lest people have a party after i die. :D

Now there was a dead body lying in front of me. Could I touch it and see how it feels? Maybe I could play with it or will i be labelled a necro-maniac. Slowly i started touching her fingers. But they were no different, as her body was still "fresh". So lost interest and got back to my corner.

Then I saw my cousin sister shed tears. I did not know what to do. Should i compete with her in shedding tears? I was feeling left out. The air of silence around me bored me. I soon took my cell and started smsing. :P

But then what will others think of me. I just don't care about my grandmother and I am seriously smsing? I covered my face with one hand to hide my smile and with the other hand hidden near my pocket i was smsing.

Smsing is the best way to kill time. But then what do I do to hunger. I felt like ordering some cakes and soft drinks for everyone. I quietly went and asked my mom whether she is hungry. But she did not seem interested in having anything. So were the rest of the mourners.

But I can not see my mother cry. The sight of my mother crying and pleading to her brothers to come as early as possible from whichever corner of the world they were in, so that the funeral can take place early, moved me. My mom was worried of, what she terms, "disrespect to the dead".

I left that place in the pretext of doing my btp work. I wouldn't like to elaborate what I actually did that night. The next day morning, I took some lays packets along. But again no one seemed interested. Some people were starring at me as I was eating lays. I did not know what to do. But then now I was experienced in hiding things and still using them (like my cell phone).

With a lot of care, we handled the body. She was dead. It was just her body and not her. But then showing respect to her body is our duty just as giving her respect is. My mom was apprehensive about any non-mehram(stranger) man even giving us a hand in shifting her body. For all that she has done for us, that is the least thing we can do.

Before the burial, I walked across the graveyard. The graves were of different sizes. Richer sections of the society had spent more money while the poorer ones kept it simple. "In the end, the king and the pawn go into the same box" was true but not in the same style. If given the authority I would raise all graves to the ground.

Standing inside the grave and helping in keeping her body was a nice experience. Some careless people standing above would slide some stones and they would come tumbling down on me. The technique used to bury the body without hurting it was impressive.

Even after everything was over, I did not feel sad. I forcibly tried to recollect the great time I had with her. But even that did not make any difference. Anyways, I maintained an expression less face. And people used to come to me and express their condolences. So many people care about me. :O

I was wondering how would my death be. Will it be peaceful? Will there be people around me to bury me? What if my body is crushed into pieces or is never found? What after death? Will I feel bad that I died? So many unanswered questions.