Thought of as a jovial and friendly guy ever since my school days, only those close to me can see the “dirt” in me. Behind this veil lies the dry, unemotional and self-centered me. In spite of hurting people continuously with sharp remarks, I am affected by the occasional remarks that are fired back.
As a kid, when I was with my parents and relatives, some old marriage tape was played. While others were cherishing their yester years by seeing their relatives (whom they had not seen them for years) on TV, I got bored and screamed “What do you people get by seeing other people's faces ?”. Everyone around me was shocked!
Many a times I used to hurt people and I wouldn't even realise it. I apologize to all readers who have been hurt by me knowingly or unknowingly. My ego for a few months after clearing the JEE, was at its peak and that was the nadir of my character. Though I have quietened down in the following years and I have matured with age, habits die hard.
Today I may not hurt everyone around me, but I still don't care for most of them. The months I take to change a bulb in my house or the days I take to respond to a simple 5 mins request of my younger brother are standing examples of the self-centered careless me. It is far beyond laziness. It is lack of love for them. I pity my future wife!
When I see a father cycle his son to school or when a mother uses a handkerchief to wipe her daughter's face after feeding her, I see true love. Am I not a human like them? Why is it so hard for me to realise that I am not the only person on earth? Is this defect of mine congenital that I simply can't change?
Remarks from my close friends like "It is because me, that we are such good friends. nobody else would have tolerated you." reiterates my mother's statement “I tolerate you because you came out of my womb”. Am I that evil that no one can tolerate me?
I am a hypocrite as those who know me well say, “You claim to have socialist views but in reality you don't even care for your friends.”
But irrespective of what people may say, I believe there is still some good in me. The toughest of situations bring out the best in an individual. I seek that day when I will be ready to live or die for a selfless cause with purest of intentions.
PS: I request you to comment on this.
14 comments:
Its good that u realise this. Initially i had a notion that u were only rude to me! so i kind of avoided ur company :) but i later realised that it is inherent in u.. can't change. And keep away from girls :D
thanks sharique. hope you would forgive me.
Nice blog :). I dont think you are that evil. You are more like lazy to do stuff.. I know your sharp remarks are painful sometimes, but between friends, they really dont matter(probably becos they were never fired at me, :P till now). And whos sharique? your bro?
You need to repent da..and for me u need to be more friendly :) and helpful
sharique is a mech guy from our batch da
oh ok :)
It is just that you are overwhelmed by some depressing thought that is making you feel like this. i dont think you are bad and all. You cant expect to live to everybodys expectations. it is just that we tend to take a few things for granted from our near and dear ones. So it shows how close you are to your mom and your bro and it does not show your selfishness. If it is a real emergency situation I dont think you will be indifferent towards their needs.
i agree with what nivi says, in her first stmt esp ..
just let go man, just let go .. I can sense u wrote this blog in a flood of emotion!!
sometimes, u burst out stmts (like 'what do u get by look at faces') in such a deluge of emotion - its for u learn to guard yourself, when such a thing happens ..
note: none of your remarks ever has pained me, maybe cos we havnt talked enough?? :-\ :)
no one can be without caring 4 others. i'm sure dat u also care a lot 4 others . u mite not be expressive enuf. things like fixing a bulb etc r too small n very common among all of us. most of us dont do such help's immediately. these r not incidents with which u can conclude dat u r not caring enuf :-)
At the core, all of us are self-centered suckers. I don't care about what anyone else is going through if I'm not feeling at my best. If I'm ok, everyone should be, and if by chance you're not, you SHOULD be.
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I seek that day when I will be ready to live or die for a selfless cause with purest of intentions.
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No intentions are pure. Nobody does anything in an "altruistic" way. Altruism, for all I know, is just a word.
i disagree that no intention can be pure. just observe the world around you. see a breast feeding mother, see a praying soul etc etc.
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i disagree that no intention can be pure
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Nah! Everything has a hidden intention, see? You're talking about intentions being "good" or not. I'm talking about the "hidden agenda" that everyone has.
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see a breast feeding mother, see a praying soul etc etc.
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Why does the mother breast-feed the child? Because she *wants* her child to be healthy. Why does a person pray? Because they *want* something, even if it is something as good as world peace! No one does anything just for the sake of doing it. If I'm doing something today, it's because I expect something out of it, see? Now, that can hardly be termed altruism, right??? :D
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